Bare Essentials

Image by: http://www.picgifs.com/graphics/mannequin/

Which do you prefer? Would it be the mannequin with her stylish outfit, covering all essential parts? Or, would you choose the one standing next to her exposing her nudity?

An issue close to my heart and one that weighs on my well-being is the exposure of women in articles, movies, television series, fashion and wherever the mood takes us. Women tend to wear less clothing, exposing their bodies and their integrity for all and sundry to see. Where are the days when women dressed appropriately, without plunging necklines and barely there mini-skirts? The days when women did not need to flaunt their breasts to appeal to men. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a prude and even have a few V-necks in my closet. What I am talking about is the unnecessary exploitation of our bodies and sexuality.

There are some who would disagree with me, stating that going back to dressing appropriately is old-fashion and conservative, not to mention moving back in time where our rights as women are concerned. We are fighting against a male-dominated world, trying to get our part in the sun. Does that sound familiar? Yes, we should be thankful to our mothers and grandmothers who fought for our rights and our respect as equal human beings. However, I think that we’ve been played. Isn’t being more open about our sexuality and exposing our bodies and private parts playing right into the male appetite? Who are we exposing ourselves for? Sex sells, we all know that, but who is buying?  Selling our bodies on screen, in magazines and on the fashion runways is only a form of prostitution. There are no rights in there. In fact, we give away our right by exposing ourselves like that. We become cheap, something to play with. And if I may ask, who do you think is doing the playing?

Ask yourself this question: do we see the same sexual exploitation and exposure of bodies by men? When you see that sex scene on television or in the movies, which person is exposing private parts? Is the exposure really necessary to the art, or could we simply imply what is about to happen without exploitation? Exposing female bodies in such an obscene way is not feminism; it is giving men exactly what they used to pay for, only now getting it for free. Who won there?

Men are still in control and we are doomed if we keep thinking that we have won the feminist battle. Our mothers and grandmothers did not fight for us to expose ourselves. They fought for our right to be equal in humanity, not to be treated like sexual objects. They fought for us to be seen as equals to men, but we hop along showing men that we cannot be their equals just with brainpower alone. No, we need to expose our bodies, our sexuality, give away our dignity and respect. We are fools if we think that makes us equal to men. We should take back control. We should take back our dignity. Stand up against female exposure. Take back to the respect we deserve.

What to wear to a funeral

Image from http://www.gilmoreandgilmore.com/2012/04/prepaying-your-funeral/

It should be obvious, but for some reason people get it wrong. What do you wear to a funeral? With the changes in fashion and the changes in society (not always for the better), we seem to forget the solemnness and respect appropriate for a funeral. I understand that for many cultures this does differ, but being a Westerner, I would like to address the issue as is suited to a western culture.

It is safe to say that the funeral is not about us, nor is it a fashion parade. You are there to pay your last respects or to support the grieving family. Your dress should reflect on your role in the funeral. Demure attire is the way to go and please stay away from anything flashy or bright. Think of the basics and keep it modest and muted.

FOR WOMEN

·         Classic black always works. A shift dress with black stockings and a set of pearls looks modest and respectful.

·         Dark colours work well if you do not wear black. Charcoal and navy are good alternatives to black. Also, you may choose to wear deep burgundy or a deep purple.

·         Dresses, skirts and suits are acceptable.

·         DO NOT wear revealing clothing. Cover your assets and also, cover your shoulders.

·         Wear sensible and appropriate shoes and leave your sandals at home.

·          Jewellery should be modest and not flashy. Keep to pearls or a small diamond pendant. Bold pieces are not appropriate.

 FOR MEN

·         Think black. Black suit with a white shirt. Or, black suit with a black shirt. Black trousers with a black shirt (first button unbuttoned). A grey shirt could also work well.

·         If you are wearing a tie, keep the colour mute, such a dark red tie, dark purple or burgundy tie. If you are wearing a white shirt, please opt for a black tie.

·         Do not wear any jewellery other than a watch.

·         Keep the hair gel to a minimum.

As a rule, dress modest. Mostly the family will appreciate that you are there and giving support. That said, please do NOT wear your jeans. Be tasteful and conservative. Like I said before, it is not a fashion parade. It is your way of showing respect. 

The Perfect Woman

Picture from: http://www.fiftiesweb.com/fashion/makeup.htm

I recently came across an article (http://users.rcn.com/bendesky/about/cbta/50swoman.html) titled “How to be the Perfect Wife” This article was originally taken from Helen B. Andelin’s Fascinating Womanhood, published in 1965. It is a short list of duties to make your home a happy place for your husband to return to after work. Some of these include:

• Get your work done – Your tasks should be completed at least an hour before your husband returns home from a long day at the office. You should have a warm welcome, not an outcry of “Are you home already?”
• Have dinner ready – Plan your meals so that you have a delicious meal ready for dinner time. In this manner you let your husband know that you have been thinking of him and carries his needs with you.
• Prepare yourself – Take 15 minutes to prepare yourself and be a welcoming picture when he enters the door. Refresh your face and put on some lipstick. Brush your hair and take care of your appearance. You need to give him a lift when he walks in and not look like the tired people from the office.
• Clear away the clutter – Make a last trip around the reception room and make sure everything is put away. Your husband will feel like he walked into heaven if he can walk into a clean home.
• Minimize all noise – Don’t let your husband come back from work, after being in rush traffic, to a home full of noise. No vacuum, no dishwasher, no washer or dryer making a noise.
• Be happy to see him – Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him. Tell him that it is good to have him home.
• Make him comfortable – Fluff up a pillow, or take of his shoes and give him a little neck rub if that will make him relax. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him to wind down.
• Listen to him – Don’t bombard him with your stories, but rather let him talk first. Once he has everything off his chest, he will be more willing to listen to you.
• Make the evening his – Never complain when he is late or don’t take you out to dinner. Try to understand the strain he is under at work and support him.

The same author who presented this extract also had her own views on how to be the “Perfect Wife” and it turned out to be a good laugh. The point made was that women today just don’t have the time to see to all the tasks to make her husband happy at home. She is also a full-time worker outside the home, sits in traffic, deals with weary office people, and is tired when she gets home. There is however a lesson or two we can learn from our previously captive mothers of the 50s and 60s who only had the concerns of her home:

• Get your work done – We know we don’t exactly have an hour before hubby gets home and trying to squeeze in everything is a bit ridiculous, but we can make an effort. For instance, most (not all) of us tend to be closer to our workplace than our male counterparts. That leaves you with a little extra time to do a few things before he gets home. Yes, I know you are tired, but think of it this way, he is still driving and that is also a job, that is if you want him home alive. Your aim is to have both of you relaxed at the same time so that you can enjoy the time together.
•  Have dinner ready – Not entirely possible, but if you plan your hour that you are home before hubby, then you can have everything prepared and ready to put in the oven. There are many easy and healthy 30-minutes recipes available on the Internet to make your life easier. You can still have a presentable dinner ready in a short time.
• Prepare yourself – I read an article by Liz Hodgkinson saying that woman don’t have the time to dress anymore. This is not true at all! You dress to go to work, so putting on something other than your sweatpants is not such a big deal for the man you love so much. Is it not true that we and our men would like to see a well-dressed person when we get home?
• Clear away clutter – Now this I do not suggest in the evening. I would suggest that you clear clutter before you leave for work. There is nothing better than coming home to a clean home. Also, place an air freshener (timed or plugged in) in your reception room so that when you open the door, tired from work, you have a beautiful smell welcome you into your de-cluttered home. Trust me when I say you will immediately feel a lot better than only a second ago.
• Minimize noise – This is just a mere courtesy. Think about it this way: would you like to come home to noise? No, you wouldn’t. And since I assume you love you husband, I would think that you would like to give him the same courtesy that you would like.
• Be happy to see him – Now this is not difficult at all. Who would want to come home to a grumpy face and besides, aren’t you happy to see him? If you are not, I would suggest counselling for the both of you.
• Make him comfortable – I do not agree with this though. He is a big boy and can make himself comfortable. I would however suggest that while he undresses from his work clothes, that you make a cup of coffee or whatever you and hubby want to drink before dinner. This also gives you the time to pop that dinner you prepared earlier into the oven.
• Listen to him – Again, I would suggest listen to each other. You both had a long day with stresses and have returned to your safe place where you can unwind and relax. Share with each other, after all, sharing is caring.
• Make the evening his – No, make the evening for both of you. Have that relaxing cup of coffee together and when the timer goes off at the oven, share a meal at a table where you can relax and have a conversation (maybe even a glass of wine with your meal). Relax, don’t rush. Be together, savour the moment. Remember, when one of you is no longer there, you will remember those special evenings of companionship. 

Life is not perfect and we don’t have to be the perfect wives, but we sure can try to be the best wives we can be. You love your husband and want to be with him for as long as you live. You are also a woman with an innate desire to care for others. Why would you want to shun that part of you? Try it, only for a week or so and see if caring for your husband does not make you happy. It might just surprise you.